A reader writes:
We moved and we found a great parish right away, but it was across town. So, we decided to go to a less-than-100% orthodox parish within a few miles of our house. I’ve noticed some disturbing things since I’ve been there and they make me think that we should consider switching parishes and I wanted to know what you would do in our position.
My husband feels like we should stick it out at this parish so we can help transform them in to an orthodox church, maybe try to start up a bible study or an apologetics class. He has met with the pastor and the DRE, both basically told him that people [here] were just more liberal than we are (which is true) and his ideas would not work at this parish (who knows). My DH does not want to give up, but I am worried that we are harming ourselves by attending this parish. At the very least I know can’t let my kids in the religious ed classes here. What do you think? Given that there are much more orthodox parishes in the city, should we bale on this one? Or should we try to be an instrument of change here? What would you do?
I can’t tell you what you should do, but fortunately you didn’t ask me this. You ask what I’d do. I’ll tell you, but first let me note that canon law imposes no obligation on individuals to register or attend the parish that they are geographically closest to.
I understand your husband’s desire to stick it out and change the parish. That’s a very noble, altruistic challenge to undertake (men–me included–are suckers for challenges like that). However, if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t shoulder the burden of this challenge.
The reason is the kids.
Regardless of what challenges you and your husband might be up to facing, your kids are another matter, and your primary obligation is to them rather than to others who might benefit from having a better parish. If you have determined that you can’t put your kids in the religious ed programs in the parish then for me that would be the deciding factor. The family should attend where the children will have the best chance of becoming well-formed Catholic adults with the fewest bumps along the way (like having parish officials and teachers who are trying to subvert the religious instruction their parents are giving them at home).
If your kids were grown, matters would be different. I might well say that if you two want to dig in, take arms against a sea of troubles, brave the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and work to change the parish according to your ability (which is rather limited since it is the pastor who has ultimate authority within the parish), then go for it. But as long as you have kids who aren’t grown, I’d make sure their religious well-being is taken care of first.
At least that’s what I’d do in y’all’s position.
What y’all do is a matter for y’all to decide.
I was in a situation like this in our diocese, to the point where a group of us had a meeting with the bishop about our parish. The key thing that came from the meeting (as is turned out the bishop did nothing tangible in the parish), was that when asked point blank “could we go to another parish” the bishop replied “you need to go where you are fed.” This helped us with our “you must stay and stick it out” friends since we DID have the bishop’s counsel.
But you’re right, it all comes down to the kids. They need the right environment because they get a lot of their faith by pure and simple osmosis.
Ditto on the kids. My wife and I played the “sticking it out / working for change” thing as long as we could, but when our eldest daughter got to be of an age when we realized that we were either going to have to begin telling her that the things the priest was doing were wrong or else have her grow up thinking they were right… that did it. We moved, changing parishes and even dioceses, and we’re ever so much happier where we are now.
What other man could give such great advice and use the word y’all while givin’ it.
Too bad we can’t elect him to the episcopacy….just kiddin’ (maybe)….
From north of the Alps, I don’t know canon law on this, and suspect it might be shady, but can they not attend the orthodox parish, while having a study on the Catechism, apologetics, or the Bible in their home for people in their geographical parish?
That would be subversive, but right, but is it in keeping with canon law?
“A parish is a definite community of the Christian faithful established on a stable basis within a particular church…” (CCC).
This doesn’t say that one *can’t* choose a geographically distant parish, but it does point to proper motives. Stable. That means you can’t jump ship whenever you think you need to.
The weeds and the wheat will always be there. Soon there will be a good reason to leave the next parish. Classifying Catholics (in good standing) destroys the body; it’s like a marriage that starts off with the option to run whenever things get rough.
While nobody can instruct someone what to do with their children, the “it’s for the children!” is the excuse of choice these days. I would argue that children are better served by strong parental leadership in the face of adversity, not cutting and running.
I can’t imagine what would happen if American Catholics faced actual persecution.
Wow, James, you are growing soft. And I thought you were from Texas :-).
I agree with David on this.
Initially, we aren’t told in this post just what makes the correspondent’s current parish “less than orthodox”. Is it because every mass isn’t in Latin (and we all know people who feel this way); or are there serious doctrinal and dogmatic inaccuracies and falacies being promulgated? Are we dealing with style or substance here? We can’t tell from the post as written.
As a parent of very young twin daughters I’ve been thinking about how to deal generally with the issue of people outside the home imparting opinions, beliefs, perspectives, etc. that are at odds with those we’ll be imparting. My instinct is that it’s better to equip children to deal with these issues and prepare them to hold to and defend what we’re teaching them, rather than insulating them and have an alternative view really rock them when they’re older but not prepared to respond.
And finally, we have to remember that it’s not as if this family is attending a “church” run out of the local gym ala some of the Calvary Chapel folks. They are members of a congregation under a duly appointed and aNNointed priest. There has to be some respect for that.
David writes, “I can’t imagine what would happen if American Catholics faced actual persecution.”
We should be so lucky. 😉 Actual persecution would be a welcome change. I doubt if we would have nearly as many problems of the sort described above if the Church were persecuted.
take it from someone whose parents relied on the Catholic School to educate me in the faith.
Save your kids – change parishes. Save the kids from 20 years of searching for the truth only to find out it really exists in the Catholic Church – just not their parish.
Cathy writes:
“take it from someone whose parents relied on the Catholic School to educate me in the faith. Save your kids – change parishes.”
Light years ahead of me – my parents relied on CCD (Kum-Ba-Yah anyone?) But is the parish really the problem here?
“The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.” (CCC 2221)
“Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children.” (CCC 2223)
“Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children.” (CCC 2225)
“Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith.” (CCC 2226)
I think the parish is an easy scapegoat for parents not living the faith.
Whoa, let’s not suggest that what we have here is a case of parents blaming the parish when they haven’t lived the faith. That’s something that happens *after* kids have been ruint and people are looking for explanations after the fact. What is going on in this case is parents are looking *forward,* trying to figure out what will best help their kids. That’s a sign of living the faith, not disregarding it.
Puzzled,
You are correct that there is nothing in canon law prohibiting people from attending parish for Mass but another to do other things. There isn’t even anything “shady” about it.
That being said, dividing one’s time in that way can make it difficult for a family with growing kids. It’s easier to pick one parish and stick with it.
Jake,
Much obliged fer the kind words, there!
Well..I have some familiarity with the inital letter (b/c I wrote it!). We’re not concerned about small stuff. Just as an example, the DRE told me that she does not believe in mortal sin, that it’s not relevant to the church any more. She has expressed several other very contrary opionions. There are some eucharistic irregularities/abuses. I’m only in my 30s and I don’t really know the old rite, so that is not the issue. I do respect the clergy and want to help them, its been a hard decision for DH and me. This is why I addressed the question to our Mr Akins. I thought his advice was sound..I appreciate seeing the other opinions on the matter too though. Thanks!
my parents are very loyal to the church and always have been. They were very dissapointed in my that I left. They rely on their priest, believe in him and whatever the parish does. To them, staying with the church in the kum-by-ya years was expected. It just never made any sense to me. They felt that the best people to help me learn the faith was the school. After V-II things changed so much that they didn’t understand it either, they simply followed their shepard like good little sheep.
I blame myself for falling away, but quite frankly the parish made it EASY!!!
I was looking for God – for Christ, they gave me anti-church feminism and “good feelings” about who we were. No mention of sin, so strong faith at all.
My comment is for the family. Kids need structure, truth and CONSISTENT teachings on the faith from BOTH their parents and school.
If the parents are continually disagreeing with the parish/school, who are the kids to believe. Their parents – ok, then why trust any other authority. Their school – ok, but their parents must not be trustworthy.
Go – save the kids. Teach the faith. Live the faith.
wow -grammer and spelling really suffers when tired!
Oh, the challenge! I am so very grateful for my study of scripture and for the catechism. I would have left my parish long ago if I had to depend on the parish staff. The challenge is for me to know what I teach well enough that I ‘am’ responsible for the education of my children. I don’t send my kids to my parish for teaching unless they are in high school and then I visit/volunteer often enough to make as sure as possible that I stay in front of any new wave of heterodoxy. Then, if it gets way overboard, say the homilies go to laity teaching wrongly or I can’t be sure of what is happening where I do let my kids go… I’d trust my gut. I’d leave quietly but quickly.
The challenge is to educate ‘me’ before I’m unable to discern problems and solutions or before I’m unable to lead my kids.
Thank you for talking on this topic the only problem I have is I live in a mountainous community.I live an hour almost of another catholic church.I am so disappointed in our church because my children have seen so much.From having the last priest in the dieocese whom was a childmolester, to the Pastor of our church emotionally diconnected with the the people in our parish.We are losing youth and young families in drones ,to other faiths.When asked about this with he priest the stand is taken that those people had no faith in the begining. As a family we have been very involved in our church but have slowly backed away from getting invovled mostly because of disappointment.There seems to be no sheperd to lead the flock so almost all that are in the parish have back way from aproaching our pastor to ask for anything.From Bible study to Prolife issues to devotions.He always says he’s to busy or there is no follow through.I beleive that Christ is trully present in he Eucharest and that is what keeps me in the catholic church.But being so far from another I feel stuck.