hey come on guys all i did was eat 2 men...ok ok and those sheep that man left on the beach... alright alright and those 2 cows and that little dog named peet but thats not bad enought to bring to the suface and force me to go on a jenny creg and that no carb diet is it?

In atragik turn of events, the lastest Massy's Day parade baloon turns on it's handlers; The Baloons has escaped and two handlers are atill reported missing.

With the NHL lockout behind them, the San Jose Sharks players and staffers unsuccessfully attempt to regain their focus on the upcoming hockey season.

Picnickers demonstrate new outdoor game/ ceremonial ritual, "Jaws" tug-of-war. Dire consequences to the losing team!

Chairman Kaga reveals today's Secret Ingredient...

Sushi at the Mongolian barbeque.

"Outbreak of swine flu results in new backyard cooking craze: the shark roast."
Also
"Shark: the other other white meat."

"When you're smiling. . ."

You know, kid, sometimes being a shark isn't all its cracked up to be...

"You should have seen the one that got away."

"Pass me a toothpick please -
Just to let you know, that Old Testament story about Jonah, well he never made it back out of my mouth.... Ye he he ha ha hawhawhaww."

+J.M.J+
*Knock* *Knock*
"Who is it?"
"Land shark."
In Jesu et Maria,

"Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm a woman's shark -- no time to talk...."

"OK, fellas . . . this isn't funny anymore. Couldja take that rope offa my neck, please? OW! Did you just poke me in the eye? Sheesh, man, if we were in the water right now I'd give you all sucha bite!"

World's fastest shark shuts eyes for one brief moment.

In a bizarre case of South Texas vigilante justice a rogue shark is humiliated by being forced by crazed mob to jump rope in retribution for swallowing two goats and a small poodle. The group later celebrated with a fine meal of shark steak, marinated cabrito, and cases of cold Shiner Bock.

Chinese Dragon Dance, American version.