A reader writes:
A Baptist friend told me it is wrong for a Christian to actively seek a wife. He says the Bible teaches this when Jesus says, "Seek first His Kingdom, and all these things will be added unto you as well," and in the verse where Paul says that if a man is single, he shouldn’t desire to get married…"
Jimmy, is it true that the Bible teaches this? My friend said we should only be concerned about the Kingdom, not getting a wife, and God might give one to us. I feel it is my vocation to marry. Would it be wrong to join an internet dating service? Or place myself in situations where I can easily meet a woman (like a line-dancing club?)
First let’s deal with what St. Paul said.
He indicated that he felt it would be better for people not to marry because "those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that" (1 Cor. 7:28b). The fact that he was living in an age when Christians would be persecuted may play a role in that judgment.
Nevertheless, it is not an absolute judgment, for he had just said, "if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin" (1 Cor. 7:28a). He also said: "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own special gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion" (1 Cor. 7:7-9).
It therefore is not wrong for a person to want to get married or to take steps toward finding a spouse.
Now regarding what Jesus said, let’s look at the "seek first the kingdom" passage with a bit more context:
[D]o not be anxious, saying, `What shall we eat?’ or `What shall we drink?’ or `What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well [Matt. 6:31-33].
By telling people to seek the kingdom first (having it as your highest priority) instead of being anxious about what we will eat or drink or wear, does Jesus mean that we should not take active steps to get food and drink and clothes for ourselves?
No, of course not.
Jesus is not saying that we should refuse to work or make money or buy, grow, or raise food and drink and clothes.
So he’s not saying that we shouldn’t take active steps toward procuring such things, he’s simply saying that we shouldn’t stress over them to the point that it takes our focus off of God.
The same thing thus applies to getting a wife: There is nothing wrong with desiring one or taking steps to find one as long as one is not led away from God and into sin in the process.
