Sorry for the lack of blogging. I've been having computer problems. So let's get things back on track with this Saturday post.
A reader writes:
As you know, if someone forgets to confess a mortal sin in confession, it is forgiven, but the penitent still must confess it the next time he goes to confession. My question is this: What if one remembers the sin after confessing his sins but before leaving the confessional? For example, what if one remembers it while the priest is saying the words of absolution? Does the penitent have the obligation to add it when the priest is done, or can/should he "save"it, so to speak, until the next time he goes to confession?
The answer depends on when the penitent remembers and how difficult it would be to make the additional confession.
Let's use the when question as our organizing principle. There are several different points at which the penitent might remember:
1) Immediately after naming all of the individual sins he intended to name. If the penitent remembers at this point then he should go on and name the additional sin.
2) Immediately after making a concluding general accusation (e.g., the "and for all my sins I am sorry" statement that most penitents make after naming the individual sins that they intended to confess). If the penitent remembers at this point then it usually will not be too difficult for the penitent to say, "Oh, and I forgot to confess this . . . " He should do so.
3) After he has finished the act of confessing but before the priest has begun the formula of absolution. The answer is least clear in this time period and will require a judgment call on the part of the penitent, depending on his presence of mind, composure, and the opportunities that present themselves.
For example, if the priest begins to offer advice to the penitent or ask questions about what has been confessed or otherwise starts engaging in a dialog of some sort then a clear-headed penitent may recognize an opportunity to slip in, "Oh, and I forgot to confess this just now . . . " without it being a problem. If so, he should do so.
On the other hand, the priest may not do that. He may be very businesslike and simply elicit an act of contrition if the penitent hasn't made one already (e.g., "Repeat after me: 'Lord have mercy on me'") or he might go straight to the formula of absolution, in which case we'd be at stage 4, below.
Assuming that we're still at stage 3, though, the penitent technically could stop the priest and make the additional confession, or slip it in before or after the act of contrition if the priest has elicited one, but there may be significant difficulties in doing this.
First, after the penitent has made his act of confession, the interpersonal dynamic shifts and he is no longer "in control" of the exchange. The priest is. Second, the fact that he's dealing with a priest (which many penitents may find intimidating) makes it harder to interrupt. Third, the matter he needs to confess may be particularly shameful or complex to explain, making it still harder to stop the proceedings and get it in.
Many penitents would not have the presence of mind, fortitude, or composure to slam on the breaks and insist the the priest stop and listen to one last sin.
I don't think that the Church expects them to. It also doesn't want them scrupling over the matter.
Therefore, I would say that once "control" of the exchange has been shifted back to the priest (i.e., when the penitent has finished his act of confession), the penitent is not obligated to slam on the breaks for a suddenly remembered sin. He is permitted to retain it until next time, and his intent to make a complete confession suffices, even though he suddenly realized afterwards that it wasn't complete.
On the other hand, if the penitent is clear-minded and composed enough to serenely say, "Wait. I forgot this . . . " then fine. He can go ahead and confess, but I don't think he's obligated to do so at that point–either by canon law, liturgical law, or moral/pastoral/sacramental theology.
4) During the formula of absolution. If the penitent remembers at this time then he should not stop the priest for the additional confession. He would be interrupting the form of the sacrament, and that shouldn't be done any more than interrupting the formula of baptism or the formula of consecration of the Eucharist. He should save it for next time.
5) After the formula of absolution but before he leaves the confessional. At this point the sacrament is over. It's finished and so the penitent should retain the unconfessed item until next time.
The above seems to me to be a sound pastoral approach to a subject on which the Church has not laid out detailed rules to guide us. The absence of such rules suggests that the Church wants us to apply common sense and not scruple beyond that.
Hope this helps!
This actually just happened to me (the stage 4 variant). I’m glad I did the right thing by just keeping silent and saving it for next time. I was never taught what to do in this situation so I imagine it will be useful for many people. Thanks!
This actually just happened to me (the stage 4 variant). I’m glad I interrupted the priest (who took the direct path to this point) and was able to confess it, getting it off the chest, so to speak. On the other hand, I wouldn’t have scrupled over it had I not been able to do so. Bottom line – no harm, no foul.
This happened to me in the past as well, although it was after I left the confessional. I was tempted to go back in again and say, “Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been five minutes since my last confession.” I used my common sense and thought this to be overly scrupulous, so I retained the sin until my next confession.
Here is another twist to the conversation, though: What if you remember the sin at or after stage four, intend to confess it next time, and then forget again! I believe this happened to me in the past as well. I assume this falls into the bucket of forgiven sins that one has forgotten?
One last thought: what if you have been away from confession for a verrry long time (several years). Let’s say you make a confession, but it is fairly pathetic due to not being able to be very detailed for several years worth of sins. As time passes, though, you try to remember sins from your past and confess them in subsequent confessions. As time goes by, certain sins keep popping into your mind and now you cannot remember if you mentioned them in past confessions! This can be very difficult for a scrupulous person.
The above happened to me, and I mentioned this to a priest–some past sins that I remembered and could not recall if I mentioned them in previous confessions, as well as my anxiety over the whole thing–as was told, in effect, to stop going crazy and stressing over the issue.
Not sure about other people, but my friends and I have been commenting on how you need to blog more! Well, not “need to” but we sure do enjoy your blog. I hope you are having a great Christmas, Jimmy!
I did have one thought, though… after the absolution is said, while you are still at or near the priest, it seems like what you’re saying is that goofy and irrelevant human issues (ie – the penitent’s awkwardness and embarrassment at having forgotten a sin that requires confessing, or the priests annoyance at having to go through the rite for a second time) takes precedence over the very serious need for the penitent’s conscience to be repaired and put back in perfect communion with the Church.
So, I agree that once the priest takes control of the confession and the absolution begins, it would be very awkward (and probably disrespectful) to interrupt, however immediately after the confession is over, it could easily be restarted after a couple of quick questions of the priest: “Father, I’m so sorry, but while you were absolving me, I remembered another serious matter that I need to confess. Would you mind hearing this confession now?”
Just my opinion, and your disclaimer not to over-scruple is probably the most important part of the whole issue, but if people legitimately know that they failed to confess something that needs confessing, they should have the courage to overcome natural human hesitancy while still near to the priest who acts in persona Christi.
If I forget to confess something I needed to confess and am worried I won’t remember for next time, I write it down. This helps me to remember it, but also can help me not scruple about it either (since I can then forget about it until my next confession). Of course, if you do this, I would recommend keeping it in a safe place!
Thanks! I’ve run into that situation many times. Especially when the line is long and you’ve gone past “what did I do” to “when the heck will that old guy ahead of me finish his confession?”
I came through RCIA almost 20 years ago. I admit that the program at my parish then left me with a lot of unanswered questions, but I’ve my part to find out those answers. I’m a little confused about your remark in point 2 above. You mention “a concluding general accusation… that most penitents make after naming the individual sins that they intended to confess.” I don’t find this or the formula or the statement “and for all my sins I am sorry” mentioned anywhere in the rite. Is something from a previous rite that folks have held on to?