Forgiving The Unrepentant

Since I am notified of all new comments to my posts, whether or not they are old, I’ve been following a discussion currently raging on my original post at JimmyAkin.org, About A Blogger… The originator of the discussion was horrified over a question-and-answer I did sometime back on the Catholic Answers Forums and that was published in one of Catholic Answers’ newsletters.

"Recently I received a Catholic news flyer in the mail, in which Michelle Arnold answered someones question regarding forgiving others who do not repent first for their sins. Michelles answer was very startling to say the least, and for which her reponse was… we are not obligated to forgive others who do not ask for forgiveness (paraphrasing here).

"Her teaching on this matter is extremely in conflict with what Christ Himself taught us to do. Christ taught us through His example and words. Christ forgave all those who were crucifying Him on the cross, despite the fact that the perpetrators were not asking for forgiveness while torturing Christ on the Cross. In fact, Christ said ‘forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.’ Christ also instituted the Lord’s Prayer for us to pray, and in it, it clearly states that we must forgive others who tresspass against us, and does not state to wait for their repentence first!"

Ordinarily, my practice has been to avoid commenting on very old posts so that old discussions will not be perpetually rehashed. But since this discussion is still going strong in the combox, I finally decided to comment.

First, a link to the original Q&A from which the published Q&A was drawn:

GET THE THREAD.

My answer in the thread:

"[T]here is no requirement for a human being to forgive someone who is unrepentant. Indeed, if the person disagrees with you that he has even sinned then announcing your forgiveness may prove counter-productive since it is likely to cause annoyance and resentment. All that is required is that you continue to hope for that person’s ultimate salvation.

"That said, sometimes those who have been deeply wronged find it personally healing to try to forgive that wrong, even though the person who wronged them may not want their forgiveness. If a person who has been wronged wishes to try to forgive the evil committed against him, that can be meritorious and may make it easier to offer that forgiveness to the wrongdoer should that person ever request it."

If you have ever had someone with whom you have had a disagreement approach you and say "I just want you to know I forgive you," then you’ll understand what I meant when I said that offering forgiveness to someone who hasn’t asked for it and may not be repentant "is likely to cause annoyance and resentment." In order for your forgiveness to matter to someone, that person has to believe that he has sinned and needs your forgiveness. If he feels that he is perfectly justified in his actions, he is not going to be grateful for your forgiveness and your presumptuous offer of it can actually cause further damage to the relationship.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t internally try to forgive someone a wrong you believe that has been done to you, which is why I said that some people find it personally healing to try to forgive great wrongs done to them. It just means that it may be better not to announce your forgiveness to that person until it is requested. If nothing else, your preemptive offer of forgiveness may short-circuit any promptings that person may feel to examine his conscience (e.g., "I don’t need to seek forgiveness; I’ve already been forgiven and didn’t even need to repent.")

The reader’s reference to Christ’s own actions on the cross is also problematic. Christ wasn’t just forgiving his executioners, he primarily was petitioning the Father for the forgiveness of all of mankind collectively. That he said so aloud was necessary for the unique action he was accomplishing and should not be indiscriminately modeled by those whose individual circumstances differ radically in nature from the universal redemption of mankind accomplished by Christ.

As a side note, this is why the WWJD slogan ("What Would Jesus Do?") sometimes annoys me. There are things that Jesus did that cannot and should not be modeled by Christians because what he did is unique to his being God. For example, it would be wrong to overturn tables and chase out the bingo players at your local parish on the premise that Jesus cleansed the temple of the moneychangers. In that case, trying to apply a WWJD template to the problem would give you exactly the wrong action to take in addressing the question of Wednesday-night bingo at Our Lady of the Gambling Den Parish Community.

For more information on the subject of forgiveness, see the article by Jimmy that I linked in the online Q&A.

THE LIMITS OF FORGIVENESS.

Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

18 thoughts on “Forgiving The Unrepentant”

  1. My grandmother is in manifest sin right now, because she lies about me time and time again in order to make her points. If I were to forgive her for this, I would be guilty myself of her sin as a consequence of my giving comfort, explicitly, and consent, implicitly, to her sins. The Church clearly teaches that this would be the case, based in no small part on Ezekial 3:18ff. This is only one example of why we cannot forgive those whom have not repented in day to day life. Not all cases are the same. Often, forgiveness would not be taken as an ‘ok’ to continue the behavior. In cases of grave sin, for instance, it is unlikely that forgiveness would be taken as such. In these circumstances, we must evaluate the situation based upon other factors.
    Let us above all realize that even Christ does not forgive the unrepentant. If a person is to die in mortal sin without having repented, that person will descend to hell. To forgive the unrepentant is, in a certain way, an effort to be more forgiving than God. Even based on a WWJD mentality, this would still not be permissable.

  2. Forgiveness to offenders is part of our own healing process,even if it the offender doesn’t ask for it.
    Forgiveness is a Grace given to remove animosity and anger from our souls so as not to let those poisons spread and muddle our relationship with God.
    It doesn’t need to be projected outwardly,unless the offender actually asks.Then you’ll have the opportunity for charity without presumption.
    I pray for the forgiveness of people I’ve hurt in the past who I may never see again to actually ask.

  3. Good post. You are right that it would be imprudent to tell someone I have a beef with that I forgive them. In such a case I would not really be forgiving, but trying to gain an advantage in an argument. It would not be improper for him to tell me to go jump in the lake.

  4. Shane, if your theology can conceive of situations where it’s even possible for a person to be more forgiving than God, then it’s a little hint that your theology is off.

  5. ScottW makes an excellent point when he writes: “to tell someone I have a beef with that I forgive them … I would not really be forgiving, but trying to gain an advantage in an argument.”
    Now, ScottW may or may not agree with my conclusion: The reason why such a “forgiveness” is wrong is NOT because a person shouldn’t forgive the unrepentant, but because that type of forgiveness isn’t forgiveness at all but simply a manipulation technique.
    I prefer the words of St. Maximilian Kolbe, who in his twenties asked his mother to pray for him that he might “love without limits.”

  6. RyanHerr, Read Shane’s post again. He didn’t say that he thought it was possible to be more forgiving than God; he said that forgiving the unrepentent might be an EFFORT to be more forgiving than God. He didn’t appear to be endorsing the idea.

  7. Maybe I’m confusing forgivness with not harboring animosity or ill-will to the offender.
    But Christ only told us that we should forgive, I can’t remember reading where He said we shouldn’t.
    This is not an endorsement of the sin, and it doesnt mean one has to put up with it. Sometimes to make it stop requires tough actions.It’s the seeds of bitterness in the heart one has to try to avoid.
    We forgive those who trespass against us.
    If the sinner dies unforgiven by God it doesn’t relieve us of our obligation to follow His command.
    It’s not trying to be more forgiving than the Almighty. That’s not the motivation.

  8. I’m wondering if part of the problem of this discussion is that “forgiveness” is being used in a different way by different people? See Cloud and Townsend’s distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation in Boundaries, for instance. (Not a Catholic book, so their concept of forgiveness and reconciliation may not accord with traditional Catholic usage of the terms, but I found it very useful.) Forgiveness is something you do internally, letting go of the hurt the person has done, and it is something that you need to do for yourself. It does not necessarily involve telling the person in question “I forgive you.”
    Approaching the other party to communicate forgiveness, in this model, would be part of reconciliation, which can only happen when he/she admits his/her guilt and repents. Seeking reconciliation is not always wise (if you know the person will just hurt you again), and it’s not always possible (if the person simply can’t see that he or she sinned). We don’t have an obligation to seek reconciliation, but we do have a need (for ourselves) to forgive.
    This may be a different use of the term “forgiveness” than is traditional, but describing the situation this way has really made sense to me. It makes it easier to tell both what I need to do and what I’m not responsible for doing in a situation where my offender denies that he has sinned. In message board discussions on the question of whether or not one has to forgive an offender who hasn’t repented, the forgiveness vs. reconciliation distinction has also been useful in providing a position different parties could agree to, which is why I brought it up here!

  9. Michelle’s point makes sense to me. It’s people not realizing that “forgiveness” is an equivocal term that causes the confusion, IMHO.

  10. How is forgiving her “giving comfort, explicitly, and consent, implicitly, to her sins”?
    Indeed, if you explicitly said, “I forgive you that lie you just told me,” I doubt she would find it a comfort, because it would be an explicit denunciation of her lie: it is a sin to try to forgive that which is not a sin.

  11. On the cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
    The ultimate aim of forgiveness is the reconciliation of the sinner with the Father. Forgiveness is not about my pain, not about my feelings. Ultimately, forgiveness must be about the sinner’s eternal welfare. In our time on earth, reconciliation between myself and another (no matter which of us may be the offender or the victim) might not be humanly achievable or wise or just. We must nonetheless desire the reconciliation of the sinner with God.
    A woman may sincerely forgive the man who raped her in the sense that she wants him reconciled to God. However, this does not necessarily mean that she must readmit the rapist into her life, even if he has repented. If he must be punished in jail in order for him to wake up, repent and turn to God, then so it must be. If he must be kept in jail in order to prevent him from raping her again or raping other women, then so it must be. No matter what the course of action might reasonably be, the ultimate concern is that the sinner be reconciled to God.
    In all of this, the woman who forgives her rapist is not called upon to change her emotions (sadness, anger, fear) about the rapist. However, praying sincerely for his reconciliation with God may result in bringing her some measure of peace.

  12. I think Vocally expressing forgiveness should mostly wait until after there is repentence, but interiorly, we should always be READY to forgive. That is where the spiritual heavy lifting happens.
    As Father Stephanos pointed out, though, that does not mean hanging out with the person who harmed us, or denying the damage that was done to us.
    Its just a question of recognizing that we are all victims of sin. Knowing that, it is possible to have some compassion on one who has injured you, even before they repent. Praying that they will receive the grace to repent would be very constructive.

  13. It seems as though both Michelle and Jimmy are still in the mindset that God condemns the unrepentant sinner to hell. Not so. Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
    #1033 “The state of *definitive SELF-EXCLUSION* from communion with God and the blessed is called ‘hell.'”
    God doesn’t condemn anyone to hell. Anyone who is in hell has determined his or her placement himself or herself. God always forgives us and is willing to be reconciled with us IF or WHEN we repent.
    The Catechism of the Catholic Church also says that forgiving others is ALWAYS necessary–not just when they “repent.”
    #2844 “Christian prayer extends to the *forgiveness of enemies* (emphasis in the original), transfiguring the disciple by configuring him to his Master.”
    Jimmy and Michelle are quite right when they say that verbally forgiving someone who has not repented will most likely not be received well by the other person. But forgiving someone else is not the same as being totally reconciled with someone else. We are called always to forgive others, but it may not be possible to be reconciled with others.

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